Tales of the Unread:

FOMO, Obligation, & Other Reasons We Read

You read for many different reasons. Hopefully, the biggest reason is that it gives you pleasure. But most of us, at least occasionally, read for other reasons, and they don't have much to do with pleasure.

FOMO: Fear of missing out is a big one. We read a book because everyone we know is talking about it, and we don't want to be left out of the conversation.
Self-improvement: Sometimes we read a book out of obligation; we feel like we would be a better person if we did.
Neediness: We think it will impress people, or maybe just a certain someone. We hope the book will act as a sort of secret handshake, giving us entry into a particular social group or elevating our status.
Obligation: We read because someone told us we have to. Granted, that last one happens a lot less frequently when you get out of school, though most of us have come face to face with a friend who has the fire of a newly converted cult member in their eyes, shouting, "You HAVE to read this," as they clutch a tattered paperback to their heaving bosom.

When Bookmarks Might as Well be Tombstones

When we read for reasons other than enjoyment, the more disciplined among us might just power through, but most will struggle, sputter, and often abandon all but the slimmest hope of finishing. If you are at all like me, failure is nearly always accompanied by vague feelings of shame. But there are a lot of reasons for not finishing a book, and none of them say anything about our worth as human beings.

Dense and Difficult Language, or "They Lost Me Somewhere Between the Second Semicolon and the Sudden Appearance of the Governess with Tuberculosis"

Most writers write with a target audience in mind. Often, when we find ourselves floundering between the book covers, it's not because the book is poorly written or because we're somehow not worthy of it. It is because we are not the person it was written for. When it comes to many of what we call classics, books like Middlemarch, Wuthering Heights, and Vanity Fair, they may end up in your DNF pile because you just don't happen to be an early 19th-century petite bourgeoisie wandering the moors in search of a suitable match.

I don't want to discourage you from reading the classics or contemporary books by authors from backgrounds and cultures different than your own. Both can help us grow as a reader and a person, but books, by and large, are not one-size-fits-all, and there are just as many books on the shelf as there are fish in the sea.

Pace, Or There’s Slow Burn, and There's a Glacial Descent into Marine Biology

If you're a hundred pages in and you know what color underwear all the characters are wearing, but don't have a clue where the story is going, you know it's going to be a slog. Likewise, if an author has the habit of building up to a major plot development, only to wander off on an extended meditation on the social organization of the blue-footed booby (yeah, I'm looking at you, Melville), you are justified in setting the book aside...forcefully, through an open window...

Length, Or I've Worn Out Two Pairs of Glasses Trying to Finish That Thing

Let's face it, some books take more commitment than a typical marriage. If you have ever not started watching an HBO series because you weren't sure you would see it through to the end and, in that case, all you really had to do was sit back with a bucket of Ben & Jerry's and manage not lose the remote, what makes you think that you're going to make it through an 817-page doorstop?

Fatigue, Or When Reading Should Count as a Cardio Workout

Let's face it, some of us have a little masochistic streak when it comes to reading, and that is perfectly okay. There will be no kink-shaming here. But I'm guessing the majority of readers don't willingly pick up a book if they know they'll be blubbering uncontrollably by chapter 3 and the ending will rip their heart out. Heavy topics and emotionally intense books are draining. Sometimes, we have to consign a book to the DNF pile for our own mental health, and go gleefreshing for cute cat videos just to get our bearings back.

And then there's physical fatigue. I'm old enough to remember a time before eBooks when authors like James Clavell, Leon Uris, and James Mitchener manspread across the New York Times bestseller lists and cranked out 900-page behemoths the way other folks write grocery lists. Reading those books was not only a mental workout, but also a physical one, especially if you were reading the hardcover edition: "I didn't really like the book, but check out my deltoids!"

Distraction, Or Goldfish Don't Have iPhones

It is bound to happen. You idly pick up one of your comfort reads and are almost immediately caught in its spell. Your favorite podcast drops a new series, or things get stressful at work, and the endless scroll of social media is all you have energy for in your downtime. The point is, our lives are full of distractions, and even the books you're enjoying can get lost in the bottomless pit of content available to us.

How to Talk about Books You Haven't Read with People Who Have

Most of us, at one time or another, have found ourselves talking about books we know next to nothing about. We can blame the human need for affection, validation, and belonging (See FOMO, above). Honesty is always the best policy. Just admit you haven't read the thing, no matter how attractive your interlocutor, then stuff the whole prosciutto-wrapped cantaloupe wedge you're holding into your mouth and wander off to find the Netflix crowd. That said, occasionally, you will find yourself in a situation where you have to fake it. In that case, your only goal should be to get through the conversation without making a fool of yourself. You do not need to impress anyone.

Here are some tips for talking about books that you haven't read with people who have.

Use your ignorance to your advantage. "You know, I'm not really sure I got it. I was wondering what your thoughts were."
Let the other person do the work. Say something vague and let them go. "Wasn't it fabulous/awful?" (depending on the vibe the other person is giving off).
Ask questions. "What did you think of the ending?" "Didn't you think the middle dragged a little?"
Leverage what you do know. Talk about what others are saying about the book, or what the author said in an interview
Talk about other books the author has written that you have read. "You know, it was good, but not as good as..."

Normalize Not Finishing

I want to make this very clear: there should be no shame in not finishing a book. None. Books are not and should not be one-size-fits-all. That means that even if all your friends are raving about one, you should feel no misgivings about your lack of interest in it.

Reading should not be a competitive sport. The fact that you read a hundred books last year is admirable, and to slow readers like me, frankly mind-boggling, but you are the only one that it matters to. Be proud of yourself, but don't expect to get VIP service at the circulation desk. You'll have to wait in line like everyone else.

The old saying is that you are what you eat. I would argue that it's much more accurate to say you are what you read. You are formed and informed by what you read. So I would encourage you to read widely and deeply just for the adventure, to discover new things in the world and about yourself. But if pirate romances or slice-of-life YA comics or cottagecore craft books are all you want to read, that's great too. Specialization doesn't mean narrowness. Diving deep into a small pond can be very rewarding. You often find that what you learn in the depths applies to many, many different spheres of life.

If you are what you read, then don’t waste your life pretending to like kale when you really want cake. Read what you love. And maybe give that unread classic another shot… or not. No pressure.

Tales of the Unread: The List

Below is a list of books that, according to my research, many, many of us only pretend to have read, along with some mostly tongue-in-cheek comments on the books, the fans, and my own growing paranoia toward Siri, Alexa, and their ilk. If you have enjoyed and finished any of the books on the list, feel free to feel superior to those who haven't. But, realize that, while those of us who didn't finish one or more of them grudgingly admire your accomplishment, we are also secretly judging you.

View Full List

*FOMO is the acronym for Fear of Missing Out